Borrowed Belief: What Postpartum Mums Really Need (And Rarely Get)

When my first baby was born, I remember being completely overwhelmed. At that time new mums stayed in the hospital for 5 days, practically unheard of now! Anyway, we were getting ready for her first bath in the hospital, and I just froze. I looked at the midwife and said,“I can’t do this.” and in that moment, I really believed it. I felt awkward, scared, and full of self-doubt. I was bleeding, aching, and running on no sleep yet here I was, expected to confidently bathe this tiny little human like I’d done it a hundred times before.

But the midwife didn’t take over. She didn’t lecture me or step in with a checklist. She just looked at me and said, “I believe in you. I know you can do this.” and that was it, something shifted.

With her belief in me holding me up, I took a shaky breath, and I did it.

What I Didn’t Know Then: That Was Borrowed Belief

Years later, I heard the term borrowed belief on a podcast about business and confidence, and it took me back to that moment. Borrowed belief is the idea that when we don’t yet believe in ourselves, we can lean on someone else’s belief until we build our own. It’s how we grow confidence, especially when we’re stepping into a new identity, and there’s no identity shift quite like becoming a mother!

The Confidence Gap in Postpartum

Research shows that up to 92% of first-time mothers feel overwhelmed and unprepared in the early weeks postpartum. (Source: National Childbirth Trust, UK)

Even more striking—1 in 5 mothers say they lack confidence in their ability to care for their baby in those first weeks. (Royal College of Midwives, 2020)

That lack of confidence often feeds into a cycle of limiting beliefs:

• “I’m not doing this right.”

• “Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing.”

• “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

And because confidence is often built through action, these beliefs can freeze us. We don’t take the next step. We second-guess every move. We start to believe we’re not cut out for it.

The Role of Borrowed Belief in Healing and Growth

But here’s the thing: confidence doesn’t show up first Action comes first—and belief often follows.

Sometimes, we just need someone else to believe in us enough to help us move, to say, “You’ve got this. I trust you.” To stand beside us, not above us.

In postpartum care, this kind of support is often missing.

Instead of encouragement, many new mothers are met with a flood of advice, correction, or even subtle criticism.

“Don’t hold her like that.”

“Make sure you’re feeding every two hours.”

“Why are you still crying?”

All of it chips away at confidence—and reinforces the belief that we need someone else to tell us how to mother, but when someone offers belief instead of control, something powerful happens. We soften. We try. We grow into the role.

What I Offer Now: Space, Not Instructions

That midwife could’ve easily taken over that day but instead, she did the most powerful thing someone can do for a new mum: She believed in me—even when I didn’t.

That’s stayed with me, and it’s a huge part of how I work now.

I’m not here to tell you what to do. I’m here to stand beside you while you figure it out—your way. to remind you that you already hold more wisdom than you realize, to back you, not manage you.

Because postpartum isn’t just about surviving. It’s about becoming and sometimes, all you need to get started is someone quietly believing that you can.

So if you’re a new mum doubting yourself today, here’s what I want you to hear:

You can do this. Even if it feels messy. Even if you’re crying in the bathroom. Even if you’ve just said, “I can’t.” You can. And until you believe it, I’ll believe it for you.

Much love

Jen xxx